Release From Reality
by Yuri Loves Yaoi
Summary: Kaworu and Shinji, Male on Male relationships as well as death.
1. Warning

I changed my name from 'Bara-Chan' to 'Yuri Loves Yaoi' due to an upgrade of mentality. For those who have read my stories before, Gomen Ne. FF.net is a bitch whore, because little children tend to believe that the artistic writers should perform to their standards of fluff and kawaiiness.  
  
So please be forewarned. I'm gay and I'm proud, and that is about all I write. If you haven't noticed the name "Yuri Love's Yaoi" then let me break it down for you.  
  
Yuri: Female x Female (love, sex, bonding, the freaky) call it what you will.  
  
Yaoi: Male x Male (love, sex, bonding, the freaky) call it what you will.  
  
Gomen again for those of you who have to read this. But to prove a point, I guarantee that even though I have this warning up, stating that there will be GAY SEX + ANGST, I will have at least one person or more that is Anti Gay or what not-make an appearance and bash it. -^_^- Feel free to do so- I'll place you on the wall with the others on my site.  
  
BURAKKU BARA: www.burakkubara.cjb.net/  
  
For further reference. I do not own any Fan characters they are © their creators. All stories are © 2K-2K3 Burakku Bara and are part of the "Yuri Love's Yaoi" Production line-hosted by BaraBara INC. Yuri Love's Yaoi has combined with Akahane-© Miranda Pearson-on some future projects.  
  
AKAHANE: www.akahane.net/  
  
All related artwork is © J.N.Ferrigno & Burakku Bara-hosted by BaraBara INC. Permission to be hosted & to host a Yuri Love's Yaoi creation must be obtained through Baradbz613@aol.com.  
  
Akahane and Yuri Love's Yaoi have become a joint project.  
  
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/AKAHANE-YLY 


	2. Release From Reality

Release From Reality Burakku Bara (Bara-Chan) August 27, 2001  
  
Evangelion-Kaworu and Shinji, Male on Male relationships as well as death.  
  
Disclaimer-I don't not own these characters, if I did I would have them bonking like bunnies, but I don't so they can't ^^; but a girl can dream right?  
  
Warnings-Total angst!!! I actually can't believe I wrote this.::sniff::  
  
Forgive my spelling, and I will jump around from first person to narrative some times.  
  
|~*~*~*~*~| Means that in this case he is dreaming.it separates reality from dreams. ________________________________________________________________  
  
I couldn't believe he was gone. He promised me he would be with me forever, and yet he isn't. DAMNIT Kaworu you promised! PROMISSED KAWROU!!! I screamed internally as I fell onto my bed. It had been one year today since...  
  
"I killed him..." My lip quivered and a sob escaped my lips. "What am I doing, I swore that I would never cry over him..." I picked up a picture of us together "YOU DON'T DERSERVE MY TEARS!" I threw the picture, frame and all against the wall.  
  
Another sob, "You betrayed me, you loved me, you promised me, and yet you killed me." I reached in my nightstand draw and pulled out a gun. I was intent on ending my life then and there "I died on that day Kaworu, did you know that?"  
  
I could feel my self laughing, but no sound was coming from my mouth, "Of course you did dear angel." That word felt like poison, it held such distaste now. I remember the good times when it held such kindness, pleasure, comfort, and even love.  
  
"You were born to meet me Kaworu? To bring happiness to my life, and then with one word... destroy everything I knew and loved!" I looked down in my hand that held the gun. "I opened my heart to you, I shared my soul with you, I trusted you, and yes I even did love you."  
  
He pulled the hammer back on the gun and placed at his temple. "And I still love you Kaworu, so much that the hurt is unbearable. So I find this as a form of release from reality..." His finger tightened and the trigger went off, but no shot was fired. He fell to his knees and wept; even death did not accept him now.  
  
No one accepted him, even Kaworu left him, "I am such a fool Kaworu, if I could, I'd take it all back. I would rather kill my self 100x's before I caused you any harm." Knowing that he would never get any sleep he reached into the draw again, and pulled out sleeping meds.  
  
He walked to the bathroom, he was only supposed to take half a pill every night since it was strong stuff, but instead he swallowed half the bottle. Looking out the bathroom window he saw the first star light up the night sky with its presence. Feeling like a child he wished upon it.  
  
"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. Have this wish, I wish tonight..."  
  
Tears were tailing down his face, 'Kaworu I just wish to feel you again, to show me that you really did love me, to forgive me...' I broke down crying and fell on the bed; slowly the pills took their effects. I whispered softly remembering what I said, ' If I could, I'd take it all back. I would rather kill my self 100x's before I caused you any harm.'  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I sobbed my heart out, till I felt that I couldn't take it any more, since that day nothing in my life felt right. I grabbed that gun once again, this time checking that there was a full round in the barrel. I opened my patio windows to let the night air in, and when I ended my life to allow my soul to escape. I pulled back the hammer again and my finger tightened on the trigger.  
  
A breeze blew in "Is that your answerer to everything Shinji? Is death your only solution?" I gasped, there before me stood Kaworu with that grin plastered across his face. "Ka..Kaworu?" I slowly reached my hand out wishing to touch him, only to pull back as if it was all a dream and he would disappear into the wind like so many other dreams.  
  
"Yes, Shinji I am real, and no this isn't a dream. It's what you wished for isn't it?" He reached his hand out and touched my cheek. "Oh Kaworu!" I wrapped my arms around him, and hugged him with all my strength not wanting to let go.  
  
He tilted my head back and gently, like so many other times we kissed, placed his lips against mine. I traced his thin lips with my tongue begging for entrance, and pleasingly he granted it. I didn't want to think about anything other then the fact that Kaworu was standing before me, this time actually touchable. I thanked what ever God was out there for allowing my wish to be granted.  
  
He broke the kiss and looked at me "I have missed you so much koi, it has been unbearably hard to watch you endlessly try to kill your self, and to know that I can not interfere with mortals any more. But your wish was granted thankfully koi, and now I can touch you again."  
  
"Kaworu, will you please make love to me...show me you really do love my like you said."  
  
He nodded and leaned forward to capture my lips in another heated kiss as he slowly unbuttoned my shirt. He leaned down and bathed my neck with kisses, and slowly licking his way down my chest as inch-by-inch skin was revealed to his eyes.  
  
I let out a heated moan as his tongue found it's way to my nipple. My shirt was off, and now he was working on freeing my hardening erection from its confinings. He unzipped them and pulled them down tenderly, boxers and all, around my knees. He placed gentle kisses on the inside of my thighs and breathed in my scent, he eased my legs out of each pant leg as he began to plant kisses at the base of my erection making it jump.  
  
In a flash his cloths were off as well, and I was staring at him in all his glory. Even after a year, he hasn't changed a bit, and I still remember every curve of his body. Kissing me he picked me up and gently placed me on the bed. Straddling me so our erections rubbed against each other's he began his assault on my neck and chest once more.  
  
The friction our grinding was making, was becoming unbearable, I needed release soon. "Kaworu, I want to feel you in me now koi." He grinned and parted my legs, kissing me, exploring my mouth. Slowly he entered, and I didn't feel an ounce of pain, in fact you would think after not having sex for a year that one would be tight and it would hurt with out stretching at first. But this was nothing but pleasure.  
  
I moaned and tossed under him as I felt my self nearing the edge. "Gods Kaworu, I love you so much!" I was crying in pleasure and in heartbreak "I'm so sorry koi." He deepened his thrusts and I screamed out his name, "I know you do koi, and.I love you.as well, never stopped.There is.nothing to forgive, you did what you had.to do." He pounded into me, always hitting that spot and making me feel his love all over again. In one last thrust we both found release and screamed out each others names.  
  
Panting and covered in the sweat and cum of our love making, I gently kissed him again "Arigato Koi."  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I woke up gasping, everything was hazy, but something that I did realize was the same, was that I still had my cloths on, and now there was a warm sticky mess in my pants. I cursed inwardly and began to sob again. There was only one true way I would eve be able to see my love again, and that was death.  
  
I grabbed the gun again, it was empty just like I hade left it before I fell asleep. I took the bullets and filled up the barrel. "Everything is the same as it was when I went to bed,' looking around noticing that the windows were closed, "and so it shall remain."  
  
As I placed the gun to my temple again, a voice echoed through my mind...  
  
'Is that your answerer to everything Shinji? Is death your only solution?' I could see him smiling, that damn predatory grin he always has on.  
  
"In this case koi, this is my only answerer," I tightened his grip on the trigger, "death is my only release from reality."  
  
~End~ Burakku Bara (Bara- Chan) @-}---------- 


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